A kicker on being a woman

A clutch kicker makes a commencement speech and for some reason decides to speak to women about how he knows they are really just excited about their upcoming marriages and the children they will bring into this world. Interesting approach. In preparing a commencement speech last year, and although I’m sure it wasn’t the best that’s ever existed, it did not ever cross my mind to use that time as an opportunity to make assumptions and insert ideals about people’s lives, their hopes, their dreams, their calling.

Today I had a really good day. I got to start with yoga and a good cup of tea. We got some excellent news at work, some things finally fell into place on a big project, I spoke on a panel that the Springfield Area Chamber of Commerce hosted at the Healthcare Outlook event and we spent an hour discussing mental health. We talked about amazing services and therapies and a campaign we have going right now to encourage men to have conversations about mental health because they are disproportionately affected by a higher rate of suicide. All of these efforts work toward improving, helping in any way to lift the burden that we have all come to know as the mental health crisis. This is a defining part of our culture and society right now. And it was amazing to me that we are now having entire lunch events spent on this topic. Progress.

Then I came home and my kids were home from school. Wednesdays are my favorite day of the week because they are there when I get home. It’s the best! I get to kiss them and find out how they are, how their days were. Such a treat for me.

Once I did that and changed quickly, the next thing I needed to tackle was the lawn. It’s been raining and hard to keep up and we’re headed out of town for a soccer tournament for my girl so I needed to get it chopped down. I love mowing. It is the best therapy. The clean cut when you start making rows and progress is instant and super satisfying gratification for me. My work is often hard to see impact immediately like that. So this is a chore that I like…even more when I can keep up with it! So I got to it, got the back done and my now old enough dear boy tackled the front for me.

Then it was on to dinner. Something easy and healthy I’ve been doing lately…salmon and roasted veggies. Aldi is my new favorite store and the salmon is excellent! My daughter doesn’t care for it as much and quickly reminded me she feels like we’ve had it 5 times in the past two weeks! We haven’t but it is that good! Finally, we sat down and ate. And then the sweet little conversation that has developed at our dinners began. It’s where I get to really find out how their days were. They tell me about things happening in their classrooms, things going on with friends and sometimes we talk about the interaction of friend groups and dynamics. It’s the good stuff. It’s hearty and full of tidbits that give me real insight into things going on in their lives. One of the favorite topics is always what they are doing in PE. :)

Finally a little relaxing after dinner and then wrap it all up. Some days are harder than others. And some are mundane. Some are just fantastic. But all of today I kept thinking about the comments that a kicker made about women. Here’s the thing…he’s right on one part of it for me. I never thought I wanted kids growing up. And then I had them. And the love that came to me after knowing the love for a child left me changed forever. So he’s right that for me, having kids was an amazing part of my life that I will treasure forever and ever. I am also a homemaker. And I do that while providing for myself and my kids by working in a role I love as the Director of our health department. And I love ALL of my life. All of it.

It is not always easy and I’m sure I’ve messed some things up along the way, but who hasn’t. What I have learned and gained from being a mom who runs a household and also carries responsibility at work that can often be heavy, is immeasurable. I believe I was always meant for where I am right now. I have talents and passion and empathy and conviction and all of those things have guided me to where I am today living and being in all of these capacities. I don’t think I was ever meant to be a woman that was just a homemaker. But that is not the point either. There are women out there, there are men out there doing an incredible job at being homemakers and that might be exactly and completely their path. And I commend each and every one of them because that is important work.

This is the part where I go back to something I wrote before about how I have never liked it when people told me what I should do or how I should be. It’s been a part of my story that I’ve had to uncover a bit…why I had people doing this to me and why I was tempted to listen for too long. But it seems especially strange for a 28 year old kicker to be making this assumption and suggesting what I or any other woman should be. Especially when I have figured out how to be a mom, a homemaker and a pretty good leader (I know maybe contested).

I also think I was 28 once. I made some dumb choices and in fact I still made some dumb choices at 38. We all learn and hopefully seek understanding of people who have feedback on our choices that determine or seek to influence someone else’s path. And I have found after making mistakes, that is the best path toward remedy, reconciliation, peacemaking. Perhaps the kicker will take the lessons here and find his way to expand the possibilities in his mind around what women want and are capable of. And when given the chance to speak again, use that chance to tell of his learning that has taken place as a result from the backlash we have all heard and seen the past few days, and honestly, rightly so. But the goal is learning, not punishment for past mistakes.

So here’s to learning that a woman can be so many things. I love cutting the grass and being a mama and cooking dinner for my kids…I prefer to hire the cleaning out because I hate that part. But all the rest I have really strong motivation to do and be all these things because I have these two amazing humans that changed my life with love forever. And I am so happy about that love the three of us share in our little household that it keeps me smiling about all I get to do and be everyday. My favorite being part is being their mama. And when I lay them down at night and they say “I love you so much mama” it makes my heart soar and reinforces to me that everything is going just fine, really good even. This is all possible. Probable. Likely. Doable. And we women know it. And more and more this norm is supported by men and women all over. Thank God.

Maybe someday I can learn to kick a football too.