Commencement 2023

Last year Clif Smart, President of Missouri State University, asked me if I would give commencement at one of the graduation ceremonies in May. I was in a meeting with him in his office and when he asked me. I started to look around as if the question was for someone else but I knew there was no one. I paused because although I had done hundreds of press conferences talking to thousands of people at a time, I had never been in front of a live audience like this would be. I caught my breath and said yes! Thrilled and excited but almost immediately wondering what in the world I would talk about. Here is the result. This is my two time alma mater. I was thrilled at this opportunity and pretty happy with how it turned out. I starts at about minute 38.

Love is scary and thrilling sometimes but also exactly what we need every time.

A few more thoughts since having a year to overthink this and wonder how I could have made it better after going through the discovery that I have about myself and the world that I did in 2023 and I think I would add the following...

Love is the basis of everything...sometimes love shows up and it looks and feels really good...like sunsets on a warm summer night with a glass of wine and strung up lights twinkling in the trees or like a hug from someone you miss, like it felt to hug my family after not seeing them for almost two years during a pandemic. And then sometimes love shows up and it’s sloppy and lost and desperate and afraid but doing his best. Both are forms of love. Love, when given and received securely, safely, can be the best feeling in the world. It can also feel like abuse from people that are terrified and have never known safety and just aren’t sure it will work out to show good love. Love comes in all forms. And it changes us mostly for the better, even the stuff that doesn’t feel so good. But wouldn't it be nice if we could learn to love each other better with that good love…and let go of the fear that makes us so tempted to control it or protect ourselves so much that we refuse and resist it.

I have been loved well and not well...I think we all know and have given both kinds. The point is to find what it gives us, what it creates in us. I am grateful for all of it because it has always produced in me...the hardest parts producing the most. And since I have been shown both options so many times now, I have also been given a bigger picture because of the contrast between the two...and now, I am after good love...not the kind that means well but is afraid and shows up otherwise. Yeah, we've got too much of that kind circulating out in the world right now. My hope is in the good kind taking over....and the only way that good kind takes over is that we start taking really good care of ourselves first...fall in love with our flaws and our talents, our mistakes and our accomplishments, our successes and our failures and find security in ourselves. That security tells us we are loved and held and connected no matter what. It catches us when we fall. It surrounds us and never lets go. It’s the kind we dream of, hope for. It’s the goosebumps on those warm summer nights with lights twinkling in the trees and the breeze blowing cool because of being in the moment and feeling how ridiculously good life really is. It’s kisses from our babies and being picked back up after we fall. Love is also the fall, the puddle we become after being broken by it. Love is tough and hard and raw as the edge of a glacier sometimes. But, love gives us everything we need. Love makes the world go round. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I hope you find good love for yourself and then shower yourself with it. And when and how you can I hope when it fills you up that you let it pour right out of you and out into the world around you.