Hi, it's me.

This morning I woke up and decided it was finally time to make a way to share my overthinking with more than just me. A blog seems a bit old school to me but then again, I am old school, and getting older everyday as much as I don't believe it, so maybe it aligns just right. I am a mom first. It is the best part of me. Being a mom is just like they say...the hardest and best thing I'll ever get to be. I love them with love I didn't even know was possible....in the softest and fiercest ways. They break my heart but they also burst it open and I feel like I will be surprised if my heart doesn't just burst right out of my chest before they grow up and build their own lives. I am also the Director of the health department here in Springfield, MO, where I live. It's in the middle of America which I love on many different levels. I love the middle of things...it's where we meet, it's where the magic happens, it's where we learn the most, grow the most, and find each other. The middle is where most people live, it's where the work gets done, where the peace we all crave and the harmony we are lacking is found. It's not the fiery or the glamorous or the sexy place. Often times its not the comfortable place...it's mundane mostly but in the best way. The middle is where we accept it all...where we stop dividing ourselves and accept every beautiful and messy part of ourselves and each other and we just live understanding that most people are good and want to love one another and help each other. I think that's where I live too...in middle America, a big red heart in the middle of the country right here in Springfield, MO. I love it here...not because it has everything or because it's perfect. It's not. There are a lot of things I wish were different. But, I have a deep love for it because we are a community that has struggles but also so much to love...the people here are unmatched...it's why I moved back here after leaving a couple of times. The people are the magnet. And we have people that see things very differently...like polar opposites...but we all exist and for the most part cheer for one another when it all comes down to the rubber meeting the road. And if we can do that right here in middle America, I know we can all do it on a much larger scale. We hurt one another, we fight, we throw daggers, and we ghost one another and play the victim and then we come around. We always do. We dig deep and we find a way to mend, to forgive, to offer grace, move forward, progress. And although sometimes I think we struggle with owning it, I think it's because we ultimately care deeply for one another here. Our community is familial. We are wrestling with the cultural issues everyone is dealing with, both personally and collectively. We all wrestle with these things in different ways but I have learned that our internal struggle is just as important as the bigger cultural struggle...in fact it's all connected and just as always, will produce something new, something creative, a better way when we lean into it and learn from it. That's the thing about pain, discomfort, and failure...it's the best thing that can ever happen to us if we let it be...because it always shows up with a whistle and a first aid pack as a guide to where we want to go...if we let it. All too often, and I am guilty so often, we think we have to be right and so we resist the pain, and abandon the lesson in there too. I am here to share with you some of the ways that I have found to do my part to embrace the struggle, quit the bad habit of feeling like I need to be right and look for help from the guy with the whistle on this path showing me toward a mountaintop I never could have imagined. I want to tell you how I pressed on even though I wanted to quit so many times and I am still learning how to do that everyday. But, because I kept picking my pack back up and climbing the next part of the path, I have found the comfort in the discomfort and the wonder waiting at the top of that mountain that is indescribable. That mountaintop will take your breath in the best way and leave you wanting more! So if I leave you with anything, it's my hope that for some reason won't give up on me and I am finally accepting it and trying to find a way to share back with the world...just like I think I was always meant to do. But it's only because I finally quit fighting against letting it out, and shifted my perspective to see that everything that I have been through was just a gift showing me that love, hope, forgiveness...these are the things that always win...always. And I am here to share it.